day seventeen — someone from your childhood

Dear old filipino friends,

I know I never fit in before because I never had an older sibling who would bring me along to all your hanging out sessions, nor was I immune from the constant making fun of. But anyway, that's all behind me now. :)

With Love,
Sarah

day sixteen — someone that’s not in your state/country

Dear 99% of my friends,

I have no permanent friend here where I am now. I have no social life and my closest relationship is with my bed. Visit me please?

With Love,

Sarah

day fifteen — the person you miss the most

Dear Camille,

I miss you the most. More than fishball and kwek kwek. I miss texting you everyday, going for dinner every week. I miss hanging out in your dorm and singing the Greenwich song. I miss being your roommate and staring at the ceiling, looking at each other, staring at the ceiling then falling asleep then replay the cycle when we were bored. I miss shopping with you. I miss exchanging music and talking about cute boys. You are like a sister to me, and even if you're super pretty, you're also super down to earth. ILU!!!

With Love,

Sarah

Day Fourteen - Someone you’ve drifted away from

Dear High School friends,

I'm sorry for being distant. I tend to move on from people when I move on from milestones. I'm trying. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

With Love,

Sarah

day thirteen — someone you wish could forgive you

Dear myself,

Sorry for being hard on you. It seems I am truly the most insecure person I know.

With Love,

Sarah

day twelve — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

You know who you are, I forgive you. But other than that, you're no longer worth my time.

With love,

Sarah

day eleven — a deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Lolo,

Hi, how are you? We've never really been close when I grew up na but I know you still remember the days when I was little and we would play pusoy dos every day. I miss you. Say hi to lola for me.

With Love,

Sarah

Day ten - To someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear Kath,

I miss talking to you everyday. I miss being able to text you almost every minute of the day. I can't know because my phone bill will kill me. Plus, you're always busy with work. I hope to talk to you very soon. I miss you :((

With Love,

Sarah

Day 9 - To someone you wish you could meet

Dear Queen Rania of Jordan,

You are the most amazing human being in this planet. Not only are you stunning and gorgeous, you also have a heart of gold that is ready to reach out to those in need. One day I want to be just like you. One day I want to be an inspiration to the youth, a catalyst for change, a sign of hope for the weak, and perhaps a wife to a rich prince.

I would definitely want to meet your awesomeness one day.

With Love,

Sarah

Day Eight: To your favorite internet friend

I don't have one. Anymore.

With love,

Sarah

Day Seven : To your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Dear BEP (first year college crush)

Every time I remember I had crush on you, I always ask myself: WHY?

With love,

Sarah

Day Six: To a stranger

Dear Stranger,

I don't have anything to say to you. My mom told me not to talk to strangers.

With Love,

Sarah

Day Five: To Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,

To the weird dreams that have been greeting me in my sleep, why?

To the dreams I have for my future, please come true.

With Love,

Sarah

Day Four: To your sibling

Dear Renzo, (Or should I say, Gaby?)

Hello my dearest brother. I always tell you this. You are my favorite brother, to which you would always reply, "I'm your only brother". Honestly, I wouldn't have it any way. Since we' don't have any other siblings, we only have each other, and I guess this is what makes us closer to each other. I like having a little brother who doesn't mind me kissing him on the cheek or hugging him tight even if he's a teenager already. So I'm glad I have you. I know that you don't like other people knowing that you're actually a sweetheart at home because of your cool macho image in school (Or I'd like to assume your cool macho image at school). But as far as I recall, being a loving brother to your sister (or a loving son to your parents) was never unmanly.In fact, mama and I keep reminding you that ladies look at how men treat their own mothers and sisters, because it is from there where she could see how he treats a woman, and ultimately, how he would treat a wife.

You're growing up too fast and that's something I have to be in terms with. You're no longer that little boy who I would dress up in a balloon cape and mixing bowl hat with a baseball bat weapon. You're a big boy now, who probably has a secret girlfriend. But that's okay. As long as we know you come home to our house at night, and that you don't get into trouble.

No matter how much mama and I compare myself to you, given that I'm more outspoken and you're reserved, and how I embrace the demands of the academe while you slave over video games, always remember that we are proud of you. Mama Papa and I are proud of you for growing up to become the mature and sensible man we've always dreamed you to be. We love you :)

With Love,

Sarah

Day Three: To your parents

Dear Mama and Papa,

Thank you for everything. I don't know what I'll be without you, honestly. I always pray na sana nothing bad would happen to you, and if possible you could live a longer life than I would. I know that it is selfish of me to wish for that, but I don't think I can go on without either of you and I'd just be a complete mess.

I know that we may be a very sweet and tight family, but I am not as expressive as you'd want me to be. I got too used to the life alone that I lived in the Philippines (that was 7 years away from you guys.) So please just give me some time to adjust. I know you understand.

Anyway, thank you for your love, your understanding, and your support for everything I do, and plan to do. Thank you for always catching me when I fall. BASTA. THANK YOU NALANG. I LOVE YOU.

With love,

Sarah

Day Two : To your crush

Dear crush,

Where are you now? Come to me now please, I need an inspiration.

With love,

Sarah

Day One : To your best friend

Dear best friend,

I will quote from one of my favorite songs by Keane in saying "I'm getting old and I need something to rely on". In a world that is full of pretentiousness I'm lucky to have found something real in my first 20 years. This is the friendship that I have formed with you. I consider myself even luckier to have found two real people, with whom I share real friendship with. I am blessed to have found two best friends who I know care deeply for me, and I care deeply of. To Henry and Rhowenna, you guys have always been there for me, even at the times I have failed to be there for you. You guys believed in me when I forgot to believe in myself. You guys caught me when I fell into a really bad situation. And for that I am eternally grateful.

In my five years in college, you were my guidance. You guys gave me the strength to move on despite the difficulties that I faced. Thank you for letting me call you just to cry. For staying on the line for more than 5 minutes just to listen to my sobs. I really appreciated that. And perhaps those are my greatest memories of you. When both of you, in separate occasions, just let me cry. There was no judging. just a virtual shoulder for me to cry on.

It was that silence that made me realize that you cared. And despite that silence, I knew I was not alone. Thank you. It's funny that someone as loud as I am can have two best friends who are very quiet and at times recluse. My life seemed to be an open book and both of you were able to accept how different I was from you.

Perhaps the best thing is that no matter the distance, no matter how many days, weeks, or months lasted without even hearing a word from each other, the closeness never changed.

I love you guys forever. Thank you.

With (lots and lots of) love,

Sarah

Letters.

I have officially transfered my blog to another address (as I always have done). I will now bring my blog to an end, and I found the perfect way to do it. Through a 30 day meme that I found on Tumblr.

Each day, for the month of July,I will write a letter to each of these people. It's perfect because today is July 1. I hope I can finish this meme. :) The next post will be day 1.

day 1 — your best friend

day 2 — your crush

day 3 — your parents

day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)

day 5 — your dreams

day 6 — a stranger

day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

day 8 — your favorite internet friend

day 9 — someone you wish you could meet

day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to

day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you

day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from

day 15 — the person you miss the most

day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country

day 17 — someone from your childhood

day 18 — the person that you wish you could be

day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest

day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression

day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to

day 23 — the last person you kissed

day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory

day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times

day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to

day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day

day 28 — someone that changed your life

day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

day 30 — your reflection in the mirror

Letter J

Dear J,

One day I'm going to have the courage to tell you "ang user mo" but for now I can't, because I still, by some cruel fate, care.

With Love,

Sarah

Letter I

Dear Letter I,

Thanks. And sorry. It was good while it lasted. I will miss you. This is for the best.

See you in five years.

With Love,

Sarah

Letter H

Dear H,

Hi, we haven't talked for a while, but I think someone told you something that may start something not so good. I love that someone, but I'm really worried about what was told to you, and how you might be treating that information now. I have a hunch that either you know more than you project, or that you might actually be the one, but I can't do anything but guess right? I miss you, I hope we can talk, and maybe clarify everything that was said. Hope to see you soon. :)

With Love,

Sarah

Letter G

Dear G,

Hi, please stop pretending you like me when you really don't. We both look really stupid now. Thanks.

With love,

Sarah

Letter F

Dear F,

I'm writing you a letter now, a real letter, addressed to your real name, where i pour my heart out. I'm doing this for me. Not for you. I hope you understand. It's very rare I do things for myself at this magnitude.

With Love,

Sarah

Letter E

Dear E,

I had a good talk with you a few days ago, and maybe you're right. But I don't know, I realized I am just as needy as I am needed. Actually, I'm scared I'm actually more needy than how I thought I was. I hope we can talk again. I still need to talk to you about A. Because everything between A and me has been eating me up inside, and it's really hard for me to look at A eye-to-eye. I hope you help me understand. I want A and I to go back to how we used to be. Back to when times were good.

There's no harm in hoping, right? Thanks E, for everything.

With Love,

Sarah

Dear B, again.

Dear B,

Yes, I can write to you again.

I'm worried about what might happen. Well not really worried, because you'd be in good hands. I'm going to be happy for you whatever you choose. But if I were to be asked, everyone knows what I would have to say about that :)


With Love,
Sarah

Dear Ya'll

Dear Everyone,

I have a crush and no one knows who it is :)

With Love,
Sarah

A Song for You. Whoever You Are

Someone to Watch Over Me
Ella Fitzgerald

There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

(bridge)

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

Letter D

Dear D,

I like you, but just as a friend. I'm sure of it now. Because if I did like you it wouldn't take this much effort for me to think of reasons why I like you and rebut all reasons that are against you. So now I'm thinking, maybe I like B, because of that dream the other day. But I'm actually leaning towards this other guy. I think, D, you know him. He's really nice and he makes me feel special, something that you sometimes forget to do, are choose not to do. I don't really know.

Oh, and speaking of B, you know it's weird. Ever since that dream, I've been seeing him everyday. I even got to hold his hand. I try to keep a straight face whenever I see him. But it's really hard, and very awkward for me to be around him.

You're a good man, D.

With Love,
Sarah

Dear kuya tey

Dear Kuya Allister,

It's been a while since I've last seen or even talked to you, but it was still so sad to hear what had happened. I wish I had the chance to get to know you better before you left, because I heard you're one of the greatest people out there. Maybe one day I'll see you again. I know you're in a good place, because you're one of the good people. You will be severely missed by the people who love you. You are so young, so much promise. It's so sad to see someone so young pass away at such a young age.

The world misses you already! Till next time, Kuya Tey.

With Love,
Sarah (Or Trinka, because that's how you knew me)

Letter C

Dear C.

Heh. What controversial letter this would be, but the letters don't really mean much. right? Because they are just letters, variables, representative of something, or someone, else.

But just to be safe, I'm skipping you, letter C. To avoid any misunderstandings. I don't want to go through any of that again.


With Love,
Sarah

Letter B

Dear B,

I woke up today with a heavy weight in my chest. I had a dream that involved you. I kissed you, but you pushed me away. Then I said I'm sorry. And then we kissed. And it didn't feel good having such a dream about you, because I told myself I'm over you. And I've been over you for a long time. Or maybe I'm not. Does that mean anything? Is my subconscious telling me something that I've always been trying to push back inside?

I've been distracted today, and even 12 hours after I've awoken, the dream keeps replaying in my head and messing with me all day.

Please get out of my head.

With Love,
Sarah

Letter A

Dear A,

Hello, do you remember me? We used to be good friends a few years back. But now it's as if we never knew each other. I have never been the type to let a guy ruin a friendship, but apparently, that's what happened. I'm sorry if things get awkward, but I just want you to know, I never took him away from you, and it was never my intention to.

I hope we can fix things soon.

With Love,
Sarah

here we go again

I should be an expert in writing introductory blog posts. This is probably the fiftieth new blog that I have created. I have the habit of creating blogs, then losing interest or the time to update and then stopping, then wanting to start up again. I'm fickle like that. But this time I hope this is permanent. I also figured that my last blog had too much issues in it already, and since I have a new set of issues now, why not start a new one, right?

I'm non-confrontational, but at the same time, i explode when I cannot speak my mind. I realized the value of blogging when I stopped. The main reason I blog is because I want to speak my mind, but not really be heard. But a little following wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr have greatly affected my ability to construct a straight sentence, therefore please forgive me in the future if it is manifested in my writing.

Caution: I can be EMO at times.

With Love,
Sarah